Back by popular demand….
July 13th, 20097/10/09
Holoogala, GA - Coming off perhaps the biggest win of the season, the ‘Balls were hanging high. The locker room was as loose as the third basemans ******, and the squad was rejuvenated. As the female teammates drooled, SS Marc Russo took his shirt off and changed pre-game. This was a sign of things to come.
Facing their old nemesis the Tornadoes (and by nemesis, we mean the team that the ‘Balls have lost to by a combined score of 147-3 in their 4 season history), the squad started off strong. Steven “I cant find the tip of my penis” Foreskin-Christensen was on his game; his slurve was dropping through the zone like the summer of ‘97. Stifling batters left and right, the Ball defense was on as well. Besides one throw to first by SS Russo that had some fans menstruating in their pants, the defense played perhaps their best game ever. Sarah “I married a human fart” Kovacik manned right field like John Smoltz, and Saima “Dickie” Morton manned left center like Don Mattingly. Things were certainly looking like they were back on track for this rejuvenated bunch.
Then a terrible thing happened which may have altered the history of this historic franchise. Sarah “I like hairy men” Kovacik dropped a leaker. It was brown, green, and running down both legs (unconfirmed sightings of corn skin), and EMS had to be called in immediately for evac and clean up. After a 4 hour delay, the game was finally resumed - but the squad was forever altered.
After the break, the ‘Balls sticks went dead. LJ “I couldnt hit a dump truck” Cheadle smelled. Lou “I married a fat wop” Russo stunk. Saima “Im not sure what my husbands nationality is” Morton emitted odors at the plate. While the defense held up, the ‘Balls couldnt keep up with the Tornadoes and had their usual, one stinky inning. Steven “Did I just have a miscarriage” Christensen walked a few, and the Tornadoe’s gay “I like to play Co-Ed D softball even though Ive played for my entire life” brothers started to hit. That was all she wrote.
Attempting to re-alter history, the ‘Balls had the best turnout ever for their Thursday night practice - 7. Guest player TJ Crimmins had this to say - “Ive never played softball in my life, but Ill tell ya - you guys stink.”
WIll the practice turn around a season that had become so promising after a win? Time will only tell.
- Jorge Yarborough